I’ve had the absolute pleasure of talking at several events and conferences this year including Beyond Reflections’ Trans+ Conference, FGEN‘s Trans Liberation Now, and TVCE‘s first annual symposium. Despite talking about a queer subject in queer spaces, I still find myself trying to fit the normative way of presenting. Normative not just through using slides and references but using academic speak (or “wordwank” as one participant in my MRes suggested), trying to get the right amount of info, trying not to rabbit hole, working out when I can swear (how much and to what extent). I don’t go much on masking – I prefer to call my experiences Autistic Shielding – but I can see myself doing it more in academic spaces.

David Gray-Hammond‘s Autistic Mental Health Conference on August 16th was a great chance for me to try again. It was hybrid and had a great turn out in person, including the other Autistic speakers. Emma Dalmayne from Autistic Inclusive Meets started the event and then it was me. I sat for the whole presentation and had my slides in front of me. I didn’t have to think about how to move my body (I’m still getting used to standing ‘still’ with a walking stick) and I didn’t have to remember what I was talking about. Keeping on track was easier without having to look over my shoulder! And keeping an eye on my pain and body movement was easier whilst sitting down.

“What do I do with my body, and my stick, oh my god, I also have to talk to these people and then they may have questions!?”

Me at every conference I talk at

Being with the attendees was also easier. There is something about being in a room full of Autistic people (and our close supporters) that makes me feel at ease. It feels okay that people have questions because I know I share some life experiences with them.

I knew many people joining online and in person, so it felt like having a conversation with friends about my favourite topic. I had also prepared (by which I mean practiced over and over again until I annoyed myself) what I wanted to say before I started presenting. “Hello” and a visual description, as per the usual, but something extra this time. I told the room that I was thankful to be there with them and that I’m unlearning normative ways of talking and presenting. I informed them that there would be rabbit holes, swearing and personal stories. I offered the audience not a presentation, but an opportunity to meander together. I have used that term previously at another symposium and it feels right.

Presenting on my research takes a lot of thought. Trying to be understood, sharing important information, having people understand, care and engage. Most importantly, I want to make good use of the stories entrusted to me. There is a part of me I share at every presentation, the wording is not they/their but we/our. I am not talking about a distinct group, I am talking about myself and my community. And, in academic spaces, even queer and neurodivergent ones, thats more difficult than I thought it would be.