As discussed in David’s Divergent Discussions: Queer- and Neuro- Affirming Spaces and Practice creating safer spaces for those who are both queer and neurodivergent is both simple and complex. The things which benefit us will also benefit many others. Yet our very existence means some people we share spaces with must reflect on their own understandings of the world, which may include bigotry and ignorance.

Situations of bullying, ostracisation, microaggression and violence are uncomfortable for those who are judged. To correct this there must be a certain amount of discomfort faced by those who hold judgement against queer Autistic people.

When judgement comes from Rejection Sensitive individuals

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can be a barrier to inclusive safer spaces, especially in neurodivergent spaces. Autistic people often experience stigma, isolation, and trauma. This has not yet been linked to RSD but may cause other co-occuring mental health differences.

For some RSD becomes an ever-present part of their life, meaning that criticism, no matter how constructive or righteous, becomes a situation of perceived rejection.

It can be difficult for queer Autistic people to advocate for ourselves at the best of the time, when faced with a highly traumatised person, or a person with RSD, the reaction to our advocacy can quickly become unsafe.

RSD can manifest in outbursts of anger and intense emotions and behaviours which harm all people within a space. It can also cause people to internalised these emotions. Which means push back to bigotry (perceived or otherwise) must be done carefully by group facilitators. This is not an easy task.

RSD, and more explicit trauma responses, are not an excuse for bigotry but they can force people to double-down or hang onto their ‘intention’ without realising that intent is not always more important than the outcome.

RSD may also stop people from being able to take a step back and analyse their privilege, as self-reflection can also be experienced as rejection of the self.

Of course RSD may also be present in queer neurodivergent people who are experiencing this bigotry. Which can exacerbate an already emotional and unsafe situation.

If we want to be a truly inclusive space we need to make sure that those who experience RSD are supported as much as possible.

What is the role of a group facilitator with queer neurodivergent clients?

Facilitating a group of any people is difficult, as there are likely to be misunderstandings, differences of opinion and experience, and people who dislike each other.

To mitigate some of these issues a group should be supported to create group-based rules and make a promise (written or otherwise) that they will uphold these boundaries. These rules can be reflected on several times a year and with any new uptake.

It is not the responsibility of group facilitators to lower the defenses of bigoted people (whether they are neurodivergent or not). There is a balance to maintain around tolerance and intolerance: a group cannot tolerate all individuals and behaviours as this makes it an unsafe space for too many.

What could group rules include?

Group rules will be different from setting to setting and what the group ethos and outcomes are. A sports group will want to achieve different things than a social group or mental health support group. A creative group may need different things to an activist group. These needs will also change across cultures, time and space.

Ideas for supporting group facilitation in general:

• Clear rules created with the input of all group members in a way that is meaningful to them.
• Make language as clear as possible in these agreements and give examples if needed.
• Check-in with the group as a whole, and individuals, to see if their needs, interests and wants change.
• Be transparent when the group may need to change due to funding loss or other external issues.
• A flexible three strike rule (this should be flexible each way to take into account the vulnerabilities of the individual and the group).
• The three strike rule should be underpinned by radical acceptance and compassion. The physical safety of those in the group should not, however, be up for negotiation.
• Those who need to leave the group for whatever reason should be signposted to other help, which should incla .
• Consent for all activities, physical contact of any kind, the use of other people’s property, images, etc.
• Lead by example – respect all others including the proper use of names and pronouns, using gender neutral language, and appreciating that all families look different.
• Accessibility is a huge part of emotional and physical safety. This will look different for different people and needs to be checked before a person starts with the group, as well as throughout their membership.
• Democratic models across staff, volunteers and group members. Be clear of what is and can be up for negotiation.
• Firm boundaries on racism, transphobia, homophobia and other hate. Hate crime is a crime.
• Make expectations of the group, staff, volunteers and setting clear.
• Communication is key and will need to be individualised.