The response (and non-respose) to the recent Supreme Court ruling from people I know, colleagues, friends and places I work have been very telling.

Several people have gone to bat for me and my trans+ siblings. They’ve done it without hesitation, without need for me to overexplain or lead. Support has come from some surprising places. I thank those people and appreciate the love and compassion they show and act on.

What has also been surprising (and frustrating) is those who have not checked in. Those who have demanded my free emotional labour (and that of other trans+ people, if they know any others!?) and those who have needed to know “both sides”.

The other “side” of hatred and violence hurled at trans+ people is bigotry. One does not need a road map for this, we see bigotry every day under capitalism, imperialism, colonisation, and the systems these create and maintain (white supremacy being the main culprit of so much of all our pain).

If you need to ‘weigh up the options’, ‘see it from both sides’ or double check that what trans+ people are telling you is true, valid and real then you are not an ally.

I will not educate or share my trauma with people who continuously show me they are unsafe (read more on that here). Whose behaviour is an active part of transphobia. Transphobia that starts with all these “small” things and often ends up with dire consequences for trans+ people.

A lot of cisgender people need to work on healing from being forced into the gender binary and gender roles. The damage done to them (to all of us) from the patriarchy. It’s a big part of being able to actively, appropriately and meaningfully lean in to trans+ allyship.

There’s a lot of work to be done. If you’re not going to do it for trans+ people, at least do it for yourself.