Dear cis men,

Women and people of marginalised genders (MaGes) are not here to hold your feelings, we are not here to serve you and educate you. Trans+ people are not here as your personal trans+ encyclopedia.

If you want information on trans+ issues there are many great films, blogs, books and autobiographies by trans+ people to engage with. If you want extended knowledge from trans+ people then pay us. We are not here to give out free information and share our experiences of trauma.

MaGes do not have to share information, personal experiences or any other knowledge with you. We are not here to satiate your strange desire to know our suffering, especially when so much of this suffering comes from cis men and the patriarchy.

When MaGes decide not to share information with you respect this boundary. Going against this shows that you are an unsafe person who does not understand consent. Do not double-down and engage in manipulation.

MaGes don’t owe you anything.

As I say to many men in my life: “I am not your wife, I am not your mother and I am not your therapist.”

I am no longer here to hold cis men’s feelings. I have done that for too long with nothing in return. I will not be engaging in that again. Feel free to use your cis male privilege to learn more, lean in and become better active allies.

From,

A very tired trans person

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“I’m an ally” they say as they police my tone.

“I’m an ally” they declare as they ignore me.

“I’m an ally” they declare as they play oppression Olympics.

“I’m an ally” they plea to be the centre of attention.

“I’m an ally” they share as they ask what I’ve done for them lately.

“I’m an ally” they suggest as they ignore my feelings.

“I’m an ally” they say whilst mining for community knowledge.

“I’m an ally” they profess “If only you’d just…”

“I’m an ally” they write whilst undermining my humanity.

“I’m an ally” they scream as they get angry at me.

“I’m an ally” they shout in crowded spaces.

“I’m an ally” they cry as they do nothing.

“I’m a victim” they say as they centre their humanity over mine and other trans+ people.