Autistic parenthood: I wasn’t ready for this!

crop faceless overwhelmed black man covering face against wall

Until I became a parent I didn’t quite knew how much having a child would completely turn my life upside down.

In the blink of an eye I went from a single person to a wife, from an individual to a mother. I created the most amazing person and I was not ready for his magnificence.

I was also not ready for the overwhelming sensation of being pregnant. I was no longer going about my business by myself, I was always carrying around my little friend. He’d kick after I ate ramen, he’d dance after a cup of tea and he’d make me wee all the time.

During pregnancy my emotions levelled out – it was a break through for my mental health. Everything calmed for me. I think the lockdowns also helped my mood as they kept me home allowing me to hyper-focus on my postgraduate dissertation.

In the second year of my postgraduate I had my gorgeous, chaotic-good baby! He took all my energy and brain power.

And when I went back to work the energy-zapping stress grew. There were more things for me to think about and lots had changed in heath and social care since the start of covid 19. With the lockdowns and maternity leave I was effectively off work for two years and when I went back I felt I no longer knew what I was doing.

Little Man is nearly two now and somethings have got easier although with each phase of development something new crops up!

It doesn’t matter that I’ve worked with children for 10+ years and have a degree in child development, things still surprise me. Of course looking after your own child is very different to the looking after children at work.

The biggest thing I’ve learnt so far is that just as soon as I get used to something something else will come along and change it all.

My routine has gone and my mind is all over the place but I look at that little boy and I don’t mind one bit.

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