You better write an immaculate application, wait months for a reply, then be ready at the 11th hour when you’re told you’ve been accepted,

You better start from a good grounding of knowledge, be an expert in your field even if its the first time you’ve stepped into it,

You better know your stuff but not as much or more than you’re supervisors, they’re the real experts after all,

You better get with the politics, respect the hierarchies, and pretend you know very little in front of people who have long and unusual job titles,

You better be everywhere all at once, at the group meetings, at conferences, disseminating and networking but it better be outside of your PhD,

You better centre your lived experience of being trans whilst everyone misgenders you, and noone tells you where the gender neutral toilets are,

You better not do paid work, you better be grateful for the money you get and pretend its enough to live on,

You better be subservient, hold professors and supervisors up on a pedestal whilst you suffer in the mud,

You better say “thank you” for faculty doing the bare minimum,

You better understand how staff are feeling at the moment whilst they completely ignore how you feel,

You better be quiet, sit down, be an expert but not the expert, you better be grateful, work more hours, be diligent, show resilience, you better bleed for the academy whilst the academy tells you it’s not enough.