I know so many potential allies who want to get things right for trans and non-binary people but don’t know where to start. I have created this blog with this is mind – consider this a good place to start. This is just the beginning of active learning about gender and allyship.

What is being trans?

Being trans is different from person to person. Some people are happy to talk about their gender and some aren’t. For me: I am trans and non-binary. I am trans because I do not connect with the sex assigned to me at birth and I am non-binary because the way I feel about my gender changes and doesn’t stay static.

Everyone—transgender or not—has a gender identity. Most people never think about or question their gender identity because it matches their sex at birth e.g. assigned female at birth and lives as a girl or woman. People who do not question their sex and gender are considered cisgender. The prefix “cis-” comes from the Latin word meaning “on the same side”, cis and cisgender are not slurs but a useful way for people to understand their gender in relation to others.

Trans and non-binary people may go through social transition (like me with my change of pronouns) and they may go through some medical transitions like hormone replacement therapy and surgery. Just because someone is trans does not mean they want to medically transition. Medical experiences are private and not open for general discussion – they are someones story to tell if and when they want to.

Trans Equality has a great Frequently Asked Questions About Transgender People that goes into more depth. I also wrote a useful Short Guide to Gender.

What are pronouns? and do I have to use them?

Pronouns are an important part of the English language and includes words such as it, when, where, who, anything, anyone, yourself, we, and each. Personal pronouns include she, they and he (there are pronouns called neo-pronouns which may be particular good to know about if you work with children and young adults). We need to use pronouns for ourselves and other people otherwise our language won’t make sense.

Everyone has personal pronouns. Mine are they/he – this means you can use they/them pronouns for me “I haven’t seen Katie in a while, I hope they’re okay” or he/him “I like Katie’s attitude, he’s so fun to be around” or a mix “I saw them talk at the conference and thought what he shared was really insightful.”

When using they/them pronouns for a person the rules for the plural pronoun stay the same “They are” not “they is”, for example. Sharing your pronouns in an email signature and other places is your choice and is good to signal to trans and non-binary people that you are a safe person. No one should be forced to share their pronouns, whether trans, non-binary or cisgender.

What happens if i get something wrong?

Usually? Not much. We are all human and we get things wrong and assume things sometimes. As with most skills we need to practice. I have a friend who uses it/its pronouns and I still have to practice when I speak about it (the urge to type another pronoun right then was big) but it is important to me, so I practice. Sometimes I get it wrong, I apologise and move on and practice some more away from it (going through sentences in my head, or through writing) to make sure I get it right next time.

If I get misgendered (if someone uses the wrong pronouns for me) I will usually gently correct them. Sometimes people correct themselves, “sorry I meant they” and then we all get on with our lives! When people get my pronouns right it just fits, when people use the wrong ones it is like the are calling me Christina instead of Katie – it just isn’t me.

People respond differently to misgendering but more often than not we remain calm despite the distress it can cause. There is unlikely to be any shaming, calling out, or mocking. That said, if you do it consistently, this tells trans and non-binary people that you do not respect their trans identity. Trans and non-binary people are worth getting this right for, we are worth the effort and we can tell when others aren’t meeting us half way.

Keep on learning

I have created this blog as an invitation to learn more through sources that are from the community and given with permission.

Trans and non-binary people are exhausted – especially with the current political climate – please do not use us as your own personal trans dictionary. Especially when there is so much good work out there (I’ve added some to the end of this blog to help get you started).

I would like to thank those who have read this far and are doing your best by your trans and non-binary loved ones and community. We see and appreciate your effort more than you will ever know. It is scary to learn about something new and important, something that will be a lifelong commitment to keep up to date with. Remember that many trans and non-binary people are on that journey too. What an exciting world we are building together where we can appreciate, know and validate each others experiences.

Never stop learning.

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Resources

Videos:

I Emailed My Doctor 133 Times: The Crisis In the British Healthcare System Informative YouTube video by Abigail Thorn (Philosophy Tube). A passionate overview of her journey trying to get trans+ healthcare from the NHS (funny and depressing).

Trans People Are Real and Detransitioning Isn’t That Common Informative YouTube video by SOME MORE NEWS. A look at the political landscape surround trans rights in January 2025, both in the US and the UK (it’s fun despite the subject matter).

Will and Harper (2024) Film on Netflix When Will Ferrell’s good friend Harper comes out as a trans woman, they take a road trip to bond and reintroduce Harper to the country as her true self. A really love film about friendship, love and authenticity.

Books and zines:

But what can I do? How to fight the trans panic free PDF zine by Ruth Pearce. The zine is written particularly with allies in mind. It provides some background information on the UK’s anti-trans moral panic, and offers some suggestions for easy things people can do.

Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman A book by Laura Kate Dale Laura draws on her personal experiences from life prior to transition and diagnosis, moving on to the years of self-discovery to give a unique insight into the nuances of sexuality, gender, and autism and how they intersect.

Gender Queer: A Memoir A graphic novel by Maia Kobabe Follow Kobabe’s journey from adolescence to adulthood through the author’s exploration of gender identity and sexuality, ultimately identifying as being outside of the gender binary.

Cemetery Boys YA novel by Aiden Thomas. A young, Latino, gay trans man is trying to prove himself to his family by solving a murder, but he accidentally summons a ghost!

What’s the T? A book by Juno Dawson, a no-nonsense guide to all things trans and/or non-binary for teens.

Training, support, and more information:

Beyond Reflections is a charity working to create a safe community for trans+ people and their allies, providing support designed with and for the community.

Black Trans Alliance C.I.C founded in 2020 is a black queer and trans led non-profit organization that supports black trans and non-binary people in London and the wider community.  

Gender Identity Research and Education Society (GIRES) is a charity whose aim is to help trans and gender non-conforming communities, to significantly improve the environment in which gender diverse people live. 

Mermaids support trans, non-binary and gender-questioning children and young people and the important people in their lives. They offer training for schools, organisations, health professionals, public bodies and private companies

TransActual is a UK trans led and run organisation focused on healthcare and trans people’s legal protections. We also seek to raise trans people’s voices and raise awareness of trans people’s lived experiences.

Trans Solidarity Alliance The Trans+ Solidarity Alliance is a not for profit organisation that supports trans community organisations and activists to work together in partnership with cis allies to drive positive change for the trans+ community in the UK.