Usually, I start a book review with an introduction to the writer, however, this poetry collection is written under a pen name. Charlotte Gale decided to use a pseudonym so that she could write without restriction and protect her family.
I Didn’t See You There is a poetry collection narrating Gale’s experience as an unrealised Autistic mother during one of her children’s mental health crises. Gale intersperses hard-hitting emotive poetry with anecdotes from her neurodivergent family. I particularly loved the anecdotes from her daughter who once described Gale as “A thing of beauty with an air of ‘Don’t fuck with me’”. That’s love right there.
Gale shares her and her family’s experiences of grief, loss of autonomy, hope, change and transition, acceptance and love. This collection has over 80 poems and anecdotes. One poem that spoke to me is I Kept Guard Beside Your Bed, a sad yet hopeful reflection on pre-crisis photographs: “Those photos can bring you hope, they’re not lies as we once thought” (page. 21).
I strongly relate to OCD I Hate You, in which Gale suggests that OCD flaunts trophies of its power and control through the number of empty soap bottles in the bathroom. The most powerful line for me was: “I hate how you leave your footprints on his heart and mine” (page. 25). This tells of the grief of a mental health crisis – your life is not yours any more.
Gale reflects on her feelings of maternal inadequacy, and the shame she felt sitting outside the bathroom door and on the kitchen floor (“How can I help them to stand tall from the kitchen floor?” [page. 51]). However, towards the end of the collection Gale starts to reflect on the “Tangible proof, that whilst his trauma and illness has come at great cost, with love at the foundation, all was not lost” (page. 411). Gale finishes the collection with an ode to her daughter, who walks away to start her new life at university.
The afterword summaries Gale’s hope for the collection, that families in similar circumstances can celebrate their success with fervour. She leaves us all with some advice: “Things can change, with the right support and the shared wisdom of those who have walked this path before us.” (page. 430).
Charlotte Gale found solace in writing poetry about her and her family’s experiences of mental health and undiagnosed neurodivergence, their “crisis life”. Many who read I Didn’t See You There will find solace too.
Hold on.
I Didn’t See You There is available from Amazon on January 30th, 2025.