I taught my first lesson today at the University and it went really well.

I don’t often think about how far I’ve come since starting my undergraduate degree 7 years back. I’ve got so comfortable with what I do now that I forget all the many, many, steps it took for me to get here.

I went back to education as a “mature student” whilst still running a social group for disabled young people. I worked whilst studying full time, except in the last year when the UK was in lockdown. The children I worked with were considered vulnerable, and my work wasn’t considered “vital”. Two things that are hard to bare and flatten disabled experiences and youth work in one full swoop. Whilst work, uni and the world were in disarray, I achieved a First.

I went straight to masters by redsearch and fell pregnant three months into the course. That quickly went from an on campus full time study to off campus part time study real quick!

I was pregnant in the first year and had a small baby in the second year whilst the pandemic raged on. I went back to work with a lot of uncertainty to the emotional and physical safety of us all.

I carried on my course, made and looked after my son, who came out of the womb doing parkour. I got a distinction and started working as a researcher in the voluntary sector focusing on cancer service accessibility for trans+ people and disabled people. It was around this time I co-founded Autistic Substance Use Network with David, Tanya and Chris who I known for many years in activist work.

I was awarded a funded PhD studentship. I’ve been doing that for the last 1.5 years and I’m super happy with what I’ve done so far and the work I have laid out ahead of me. My favourite part of the work so far is working alongside four amazing co-researchers.

I’ve published a lot – papers, chapters and various research reports and I’ve now got a flavour for zines. I’ve got more publications coming out this year. I love writing with others and realistically never thought I would publish or write much about anything. Keeping this blog all these years had definitely helped me “hone my craft”.

During my university journey, we have also lost two family members, and my mum donated her kidney to my brother. It’s been a lot.

I wanted to put all of this ‘out there’ somewhere to appreciate that I didn’t start off confident and competent. I started off tentatively, I started off by feeling my way, by taking opportunities, by quieting the naysayers (including those I still sometimes have in my mind). I worked on myself, I took skills I learnt from gritting my teeth through retail, through the long days working at nurseries. I took an listless life and made it meaningful.

I’m pleased I took chances, I’m glad I felt the anxiety and turned it into excitement. I’m proud I went into a class today and shared a little bit of the magic participatory research has given me.