I had a really enlightening conversation with two other Autistic researchers a few days ago. Although the conversation was around autoethnography (in which the stories of the researchers is the data collected). The conversation also reminded me that research doesn’t have to be written, quiet, or clean. It can be creative, loud, and messy. Research can benefit from more creative pathways, ones which flip what we know on it’s head, ones which critique how things are done in European-colonial academia.

The messiness is where the real knowledge and growth happens. It’s unstructured, flexible, imaginative and slightly terrifying. Yet many of us (researchers or not) are doing that in our everyday lives without even realising it.

Research, learning and unlearning and the expansion of knowledge is happening every day. And this is happening outside of the academy more than inside it. Not just the theoretical understanding but putting theory into practice.

Life is research, growth and knowledge. Everything we do, say or get involved with is a reflection of ourselves, our connection (or non connection) to others. Everything is created within context – time, space, and social structures.

The only difference between that and academic research (besides a great deal of privilege based in white supremacy) is that academics know how to write in a way that follows relatively strict rules. Sometimes it isn’t to do with knowledge or privilege but with the ability and will to conform to academic norms. That’s not me being critical of researchers, but of the framework so many of us have to stick to, especially those of us who hold one or more marginalised identities or experiences. To be taken seriously, to be published, to be seen as knowledgeable and worthy, we often have to shrink parts of ourselves.

This is something which I struggle to navigate in both the voluntary and academic sector. Is it more effective to do this work inside professional settings, or outside of them? How do I do research with Queer and Disabled communities as a Queer Disabled person without minimising myself or those I research with? Palatability is a weird issue to contend with especially when you want to scream about your communities experiences of inequity.